I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
