when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
