I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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