I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
