just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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