See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
