a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
