youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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