I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize