yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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