one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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