There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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