so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
