Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
My life is pants optional.
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