It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
