FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
did i walk over a car last night?
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It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
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But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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