i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
