I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
