got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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