I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I can feel your judgement through the phone
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
