Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I am spending my child support on dildos
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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