why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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