Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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