If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
