dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
