I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We just shotgunned beers for America
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
