Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
