I cannot find my penis.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
