Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
