omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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