if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Do you have feelings for this penis?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
