I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
