He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
