how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
