He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
