If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
