She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
