are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
