I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
