...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
