Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
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we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
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What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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