Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
