I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
