he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
