Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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