I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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