Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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