I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Everclear isn't food dammit
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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