Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
