i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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