his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You are a genius and a whore.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
