dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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