we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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