cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
