found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
