you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
