Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
