she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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