mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
