You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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