I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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