The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize