if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I am one with the molecules
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
