remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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