I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
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No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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