FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
