She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
