So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Still dying that you shit outside
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
