playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
