i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
